I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
