I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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