loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
