Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
