It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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