I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
