i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
