just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
