He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
