Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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