Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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