if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
