Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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