last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
BRING THE BAGELS
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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