So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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