I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
