please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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