We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
