FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
