Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
