I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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