i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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