how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
