Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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