Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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