i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
