are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
