Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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