Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
