??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
