so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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