dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
