I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
