First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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