So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
