i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
