Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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