we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
