If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
