Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
