i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
