I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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