hotel room ftw
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
