his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
