It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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