i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
