the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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