I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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