its not stalking. its research.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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