Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
