She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
