so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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