No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
