So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
