So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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