just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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