I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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